Key West Fantasy Fest 2011, or "holy crap, I'm turning 30"

This was when I still thought I could drive

To celebrate my impending 30th birthday, my friend Maggy and I ran off to Key West for a long weekend, which just so happened to coincide with the annual Mardi Gras-type debauchery called Fantasy Fest.

After flying into Miami and scoring a sweet red Mustang convertible, we started our mini road trip down the Keys, but not before we made an important discovery at a local "beer & bait" store:  cocktails in frozen foil pouches reminiscent of Capri Suns, with oh-so-clever names like Marg-GO-rita, Pina GO-lada, Daq-GO-ri - you get the idea.  They seemed like a brilliant idea...until we tasted them.  The ingredients list mentioned something about orange flavored wine, but mysteriously omitted what we determined to be the main component, PURE EVIL.

With that plan abandoned, we raced toward Key West in an effort to make it in time for the Friday night races at Turtle Kraals bar.  We befriended a former NYer behind the bar who tempted us with insanely cheap happy hour drinks and a round of Key Lime shots while we awaited the grand event.  Finally, it was time for the big race - everyone in the bar received a number, one though four, and rooted for their turtle.  We were lucky enough to join the line of winning #4 ticket holders after the race, and waited patiently for our chances to pick a key to try to open the winning treasure chest.  In a "Let's Make a Deal" twist, the emcee, a true KW personality with a flowing blond wavy mullet, would offer the participants "Turtle Bucks" to give up the key.  I was determined to emerge victorious, so I held fast to my key, until it was dropped into a pint of beer, which I was instructed to slam.

When the contest finally drew to a close, we (very carefully) made our way to our hotel, La Te Da, to check in.  It's entirely possible that we made a lasting impression on the front desk staff.